Tuesday, June 22, 2010

What's goin' on.

I feel bad.  I haven't had as much time lately to devote to blogging, and I feel like I'm wasting something or letting somebody down-- but what I'm wasting and whom I'm letting down are unclear.

I'm at a strange point right now.  I had an interview last week for a position that by all rights is just the thing that I have been trying to do since I graduated last year-- being a merchant.  But I went in, this time, with the mentality that I was also interviewing this place of work-- I wasn't just being interviewed by them.  They described a work environment that seemed stressful and overwhelming-- when I asked what a typical day's hours were, there was no definitive answer.  One of the interviewers said she had even once worked a 23-hour day.  Technically, they said, a work day should be 8:30-6pm, but that was more theory than practice. 

This place was also a 45-minute commute from home.  I didn't consider this lightly.  For the first time in my life, I pre-emptively rejected the position; and not just any position, but one I've been angling for, for like, forever.  I know myself, and I know that having a work life that supercedes all other aspects of one's life whittles me down fast.  No matter what it is that I'm doing, I need relief from doing it; and if I'm not in control of when I come or go, I get ants in my pants.  And not cute picnic ants, but red, fire-breathing, corpse-munching ants.

I wrote the interviewers an email and let them know that the position wasn't in line with my desire for balance in my life, but the chapter isn't completely closed for me.  Sometimes I'm afraid that the rabid squirrel in my brain that is ADD sabotaged me.  Maybe I wouldn't have such a need for "quiet time" if I were properly medicated.  Maybe I would have taken the long view and said, "Screw it, I'm going in.  There's health insurance and some more money and maybe some choice promotions at the end of this road."  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But, I am of the opinion that most things happen for a reason... and besides, this didn't "happen", I chose it.  And I did have my reasons.  I just hope that there's something out there in the fashion universe for me to do that doesn't involve working constantly around the clock (as it seems most positions do), or maybe there's something else out there for me to do that I wouldn't mind working constantly around the clock, and all other things would just naturally fall into place around it.

We'll see.  For now, I'm running late to see and possibly participate in an open-mike, different venue this time.




alya said...

I feel you on not wanting work to take over your entire existence. I work a ridiculous amount of hours, no longer have any friends who are not also co-workers, and just generally feel the only purpose to my life is my job.

I call good decision on not taking the position.

Viola said...

Word, E. "It didn't happen, I chose it." That is a very empowered statement. And I DO think that when the time is right, and the opportunity is right, you will know it and jump on it.

textileowl said...

This is precisely why I didn't go corporate when I graduated. The hours were hell and they were expected. I much prefer to pull fifteen hour days when some of those hours are on a stage and not at work.

As to your medication remark... I expect far more people at the office to be heavily medicated to work that many hours and not necessarily prescription or otc.